Sunday, Sunday, SUNDAYYYY!

It's been a crazy week. The Stardude was away for the weekend visiting his family, so my plans were to relax, catch up on house stuff, reading, painting, and make some progress on my Christmas shopping. And then...Tuesday a girlfriend that I haven't seen in 3 years came in town for work and gave me a call. 2 dinners and 2 happy hours - we are officially caught up. It was great to see her. And I did get some Christmas shopping done, I did some painting, I read a bit - got my Thanksgiving dinner shopping done, even went into work today for a few hours.

Now - ready to relax. Ready to see the Stardude.

Oh... and meet Cooper! An awesome dog I adopted from the local Arizona Cactus Corgi Rescue. He's been amazing. Sweet, laid back and adorable.

now - time for a hike on South Mountain before dark!

Moving Forward...

is difficult. Especially when every few moments I catch my mind wandering, missing him. I can't concentrate worth crap. I have to watch myself around my co-workers. I know the sympathy can only stretch so far before everyone starts rolling their eyes and thinking "There she goes talking about that dog again."

But I know I will be ok - eventually. I no longer wake up in the middle of the night and suddenly, surprisingly remember he's gone. And I did make it through my evening walk without tears. I'm sure the Indian couple were relieved, after a week's worth of odd encounters, me crying, they staring as we pass each other walking the block.

And I'm prepping my application for adoption of a corgi rescue - part of me feeling guilty, too soon? But I know it may take a while to find that right match. I'll never find another "Mojo" and I'm not trying to replace him. I know I just need a dog in my life.

Damn it, he was such a great dog.

well dammit...

There are just no words... sad, devastated, heartbroken. I've lost my best friend. After an overnight illness, I had to let him go. Holding him in my arms, the Dr, the Stardude and I just sobbed as he quickly slipped away.

Now I'm at home alone for the first night without him, and I'm struggling. It's the little things that kick me in the gut... the jingle of his tags, a random unused poo-bag, the first walk around the block without him.

But what really knocked me to my knees was the grocery bag full of his hair from his last brushing. Normally a disgusting thing, this ball of black & grey fur... but I clutch it and sob. My last physical connection to this amazing, loving, comical animal who has been an important part of my life for the last 12 years. Who's let me lean on him in all my crises, my breakdowns and my triumphs.

Mojo-Pojo... I miss you. I still feel you here. Can't wait to take a walk with you through the meadow on the rim one last time.

Ahhhh!!!!

Vacation. A no-plan, just wandering whatever, wherever kind of vacation. My first in a long while. Durango to Silverton to Ouray, Colorado. We've explored so much, found some great beers, great food, great hikes. We're visiting areas I haven't been to since I was 10 years old. (Yes, everything seems smaller.)

Our favorite has been Ouray - just enough remoteness without the hoity-toity (is that even a word) of Telluride. Plenty of delicious restaurants to choose from, plenty of nearby hikes, close to do day trips and get back in time to enjoy a bottle of wine on the balcony above the river.

If it weren't for missing my poor dog at home with the sitter, I'd never go back to the Phoenix heat.

Nappa Valley East?

What a fun weekend. Southern Arizona has a wine country?? For real? Yes!

We drove down to Sonoita to a wine festival this weekend . I was totally amazed! Such a beautiful countryside. I had no idea that southern Arizona had more to offer than cactus! High country grassland, mountains, moderate temperatures - and wine! Delicious wine, fun atmosphere...what a wonderful surprise!

I Heart Me

I had my followup visit with my cardiologist today. Awesome! My heart is good! (must be the wine.) My stress test was great. The Dr. told me how nice it was to give someone good news - as it's usually the other way around.

So suck it, family history!! (where's my bacon.)

wine whine

I was in the mood for a glass of wine tonight. Sadly, my 4.99 varietal from Trader Joe's just didn't fit the bill. I'm wanting my favorite Spanish Marques de Caceres - or a sip of Coastline Cab. Or that delicious Merlot I had last weekend that I don't remember the name.

Could it be that my taste buds are maturing? Maybe those cheap bottles from T.J's will no longer do.

I am so screwed.

Furlough Adventures

Thanks to the continued sucking economy, our company has implemented monthly furlough days through July. This policy will be "reviewed" at the end of July. Whatever.

I had originally planned to get my car tag renewed, vacuum, do some grocery shopping... but why waste a rare (hopefully) weekday off running errands. So I slept in (thanks to my dog who slept in with me), had bacon and eggs for lunch, and headed to the pool.

The first pool (my neighborhood has 4) was full, packed to the gills, with screaming little 8 year old boys. Uh... no. So I continued my trek in the 106 degree heat to pool #2. Looked promising. No kids - no one at all. and... my key didn't work. What the heck? Ok, on to pool #3. So back down the hill, past the pool full of screaming monsters, past my townhouse and on to the next pool on the next street. Opening the gate, I was happily greeted with an empty pool, just a woman in her 70's sunning on the deck. ahhhhh. A wonderful 2 hours reading, soaking, sunning.

I could get used to this. And unfortunately - I may get that chance.

Back in the Groove

There's nothing like a few days with my daughter to get recharged.

I flew in to Knoxville, TN a week ago. We had such a great time - as always. Doing the mom/daughter stuff - coffee shops, bookstores, cupcakes, fabric store, doing the science stuff: visiting the Oak Ridge museum of science and energy, visiting her lab to look at the nematodes she's studying. Doing friend stuff: good food, movies, music and a few beers.

And my favorite - an 8-mile hike up into the Smokies. She had planned a hike up Ramsey's Cascades - a lesser known hike in an otherwise crowded park. We came across maybe 12 other people on the trail. This was a long, difficult hike for an out of shape, over-weight woman like myself, but damn if I didn't do every single mile. The falls at the top were beautiful. The plant and wildlife was amazing. And 7 hours later my muscles and joints were screaming. But I did it.

On our way home, we stopped in Pigeon Forge for a huge plate of well deserved sushi. (yes, Pigeon Forge - what a hoot of a town - and hoot is the exact word for it.)

So now, I'm home. Work has been a little crazy, but I'm taking it in stride (for now.) My legs have finally stopped hurting.

Now - if that Tucson thing would just come through, life would really be perfect, eh Stadude?

*Good...Bad...GoodBad..GoodBadGoodBad

This has been a difficult week. Crabby clients, financial crap, health issues. I hate whining. Can you tell?

So, on to the good things.

Stardude will be here tomorrow night. The weekend will be spent eating sensibly, save for a few glasses of wine, watching movies, a little exploring, lots of laughing. It will be a much needed relaxing, happy weekend.

Mom's day will be spent without my kids... the way it has been for 5 of the past 6 years, so it's no big deal. (And I usually get spoiled anyway.) But I will be traveling to Knoxville next week for a much needed mother/daughter vacation. So far, hiking in the Smokies, music and a few beers are planned. I miss her laugh, her humor, her intelligence, her smartassiness.

I walked a hella long walk tonight - so my Dr. will be happy about that. And I do feel better tonight.

And after 3 weeks, I finally was able to reach my best friend for a much needed catch-up.

So all in all, the good outweighs the crap. I just need to keep reminding myself.

*Lyrics from "Joy" by Harry Nillson

stormy weather

Arizona in springtime - it's beautiful. A little warm today, a bit windy tomorrow, then a cool down to 82 for the weekend. Brutal.

So many are suffering back east. Near where my daughter lives. A springtime rite where my son lives... But both of my kids are safe and that's what matters.

I grew up with the horrors of tornadoes in Kansas and Oklahoma. Flashbacks of being scooped out of bed as a kid, lightning flashing, thunder booming, rain and wind pounding down as my parents herded us across the street to the neighborhood cellar...a dank, crowded hole in the ground, all my neighbors crowded together as we wait for the storm to pass. The main thing I remember as a 6 year old?... wetting my pants.

But weird - I miss it a bit. It's a part of my history.

Arizona natives don't really get it. And that's ok. I know.

Don't make me ground your ass...

Last night I went to a concert with a girlfriend. Old Crow Medicine Show, Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros and Mumford & Sons stopped by Tempe on their Railroad Revival Tour. What fun. It's been ages since I've been to a concert like this. Awesome music, perfect weather, and despite the fact that the venue had changed from a grassy park location to a parking lot in the middle of town, it actually was set up well.

But...as we were getting jostled, shoved, elbowed and stepped on by the crushing crowd of mostly 20-somethings, I realized seeing a band close up and personal was not a priority for me. So after the second set, I was more than happy to make my way to the back of the 10,000 plus crowd to enjoy the music, rather than go all mom on the drunk kid in front of me who kept stepping on my toes.

and so it goes...

Okay - I do have a job. I do have a paycheck coming each week. Just not quite as much. Damned recession, damned pay cut, damned furloughs. Yes, this means being a bit more frugal. But my bills will be covered. This will pass. One way or the other, this will pass.

But it's still a bit depressing. I was this close to feeling like I was moving forward financially. I mean I bought new underwear last week! I never imagined that at my age I would still be struggling. I've always felt like the days of getting past financial angst was right around the corner, right within my reach. But there's always some mishap, some setback right before I get there.

But - I will get another paycheck. I will continue on. I will make do.

And, surprisingly, (or not so surprisingly) I will be happy. Because though my financial picture isn't all that rosy, my personal picture is good...great actually.

Bump in the Road

Wow. What a difference a year makes. This is not the company I thought I was coming back to.

Hanging in there, trying to make a difference.

But, c'mon lottery numbers...

just a bit short

It's a 2-bottle merlot night. Too bad I only have half a bottle.

Thinking about...

Bones...Tuna...Cats... I love my mom.

Love

the world is open - the world is ours. I'm happy. Beyond words. Beyond wine. I am happy.

I am a Horrible American

PBS is showing a documentary of the early American Years - focusing on Dolly Madison ...

mmmmmm - cake!

ahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Peeps! Sugar Free! Diabetic Friendly! oh how I love you!

something smells

It's 7:00pm and I'm sitting on my little personal slab of concrete patio, a glass of really, really delicious and cheap (inexpensive) red Spanish screw top wine from Trader Joes, listening to the sounds of the birds in their nesting mode, "whit-a-whit".

The breeze wafts my way, and I smell citrus blossoms, so sweet, so incredibly sweet! I love this seasonal scent - I just want to bottle it for the rest of the year (oh wait, the internet says it's already been done.)

The sprinklers on the green belt start up. At first it's so annoying, the constant spray, the noise non-stop ... then the scent hits me...the grass, the green, fresh mowed grass scent. Now I find myself disappointed when they finish their cycle.

Ooh - new scent - what? mmmmmmm chinese food!

(no need to bottle - time for dinner!)

oh...and one more thing

Do you know about the cool top site dashboard feature on Safari that lets you see all your favorite, most visited sites in one place and lets you know at a glance when they update? Do you also know that every time to you log on to that page, it hits every one of those sites.

So that being said, if I have you bookmarked and your stats show that I'm hitting your page every few minutes in the evening... I'm not stalking you. I'm stalking Monkey Muck ... no, no, wait - I mean, I'm checking CNN, Huffpost,MSNBC, Arizona news, Oklahoma news . Your site just happens to be next to my other favorites. Yes, if you update, I'll peek.

so there. nghhh.

ewww...

Good grief - I need to snap out of this sappy writing and get back to my smart-assiness. It doesn't mean I'm not happy, I am so very happy. But no one - even me- wants to read this crap.

Time for a visit to my smartass daughter in Knoxville for a few beers and cuss words to regain my edginess and sharpen my wit.

Thank goodness for ill-mannered children.

One Year Ago

One year ago, the movers pulled away from my Tennessee apartment with my belongings, and my Jetta was packed to the gills (and I do mean to the gills) At 2:00 pm Mojo and I started our trek back to Arizona. Pulling out of Goodlettsville, the weather was rainy and spitting a bit of snow. A few hours later, as I crossed the bridge over the Mississippi from Tennessee to Arkansas, the sun broke out from behind the clouds. My mood - thrilled. I was going home. Arizona. Stardude.

And a year later - I know it was the best decision I've ever made.

so...

I'm not so lost any more. Arizona is where I belong. Phoenix is ok, but Tucson is my true destination. The Stardude awaits.

Life has been good (great) since coming back. It's like I haven't missed a beat. Of course, the work has been tough. Lots of late hours, some financial concerns. But life otherwise has been great. I'm spoiled beyond spoiled. It's been many a year since that's happened...if ever. nice. so very nice.

But tonight, it's been me. And Mojo. wii'ing it, pinot noir'ing it. decompressing from an incredibly intense week. Tomorrow, it will be time with the Stardude, wandering, laughing, other random activities, maybe a bit of wine mixed in.

And life is good.

Happy. so very Happy. (Thanks, Stardude)